sashaquaria:

im so thankful for Christine Sydelko speaking out about this and being a positive fat idol

(via platyfish)



(via thebootydiaries)


(Source: anxietyproblem, via nerdgasrnz)


lunartic938:

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Shmebulock gets me

(via platyfish)


orange-plum:

imtotallystoked:

orange-plum:

I was at the store today looking at lemonade and this old guy comes up to me, and initially I was expecting him to be a creep, but then he was like

“You look like someone who would appreciate this. Why do cows have hooves and not feet?” and I didn’t know, so he said “Because they lack toes (lactose)”

And I couldn’t help but laugh, and so he’s like “Hey if I can make someone laugh it’s worth it. What do you call a bear with no teeth?” and I slapped his arm and was like “A gummy bear!”

Then he asked “Why did the cowboy go to the petstore to buy a doxon terrier?” so I said I didn’t know and he was like “He wanted to get a long lil doggie.”

I told him I was gonna go home and tell my dad these jokes cuz he likes this kinda stuff, so before he left he started pulling out his wallet and was like “Hold on, I’m going to show you my pride and joy. I never get to and I show it off every chance I get.”

I assumed it was going to be his grandkids or something, but then he hands me this piece of paper that was cut out of an add for some kind of soda and it just says “Pride and Joy” on it.

The dude was super funny, so that was a good high light of my day. When we said goodbye I glanced down and saw he was holding a bottle of straight vodka. 

I think I just met Grunkle Stan.

Hey we don’t live anywhere near each other but a few weeks ago I had a VERY similar experience??? An old guy came into my work place, thought he was gonna be a creep, but he just started telling me jokes (different ones than yours, but I can’t remember them) and then SHOWED ME HIS PRIDE AND JOY. I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE A DOG (work at a pet store). Like is there just some national old man club where they make plans to go brighten people’s days???

#maybe it’s a cryptid#drawn to you when you’re down?#idk man

N a t i o n a l O l d M a n C l u b. Wow. Maybe you’re on to something

(via heartachedreamboy)


sweatynixon:
“I know he ate a bench
”

sweatynixon:

I know he ate a bench

(Source: ljute, via nevertrustatrickster)


camembertlylegal:

deadlydinos:

Once I was walking home with some law school friends and they were like ”Why are you walking up that street your street is like three more streets up”

“Yeah but there’s a house on this street and sometimes their golden retriever naps in the sun on the sidewalk and I like to give him belly rubs”

Now all the law students walk up belly rub lane because law school is stressful and dogs rock

I bet that is the happiest dog

(via leftpantykarkat)


dankmemeuniversity:

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(via carry-on-my-wayward-butt)


mulukhiyah:

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a little insight ladies

(via nevertrustatrickster)


dankmemeuniversity:

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(via nevertrustatrickster)